


Have a Mice Day

by danceswithgary



Category: Smallville
Genre: Dialogue-Only, Established Relationship, Humor, M/M, Podfic, Podfic Available
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-03-12
Updated: 2007-03-12
Packaged: 2017-10-03 19:17:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 902
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21346
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/danceswithgary/pseuds/danceswithgary
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Small, furry and Lex. Who knew?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Have a Mice Day

**Author's Note:**

> Podfic at: <http://www.audiofic.jinjurly.com/have-mice-day>

"Hey Lex, you busy?"

"Not at all, Clark. Come on in. What can I do for you?"

"Hah! *I'm* doing something for *you* for a change. Here, hold this. I need to bring the rest in from the hall."

"Clark, this box is moving. And squeaking?"

"Just a minute, Lex. Let me put this on your desk."

"It's a...metal cage filled with sawdust. And a miniature Ferris wheel?"

"Exercise wheel. Now open the box."

"Mice? Clark, there are two white mice in this box."

"Aren't they neat? I was walking by the pet store and I saw them in the window and I thought of you."

"Clark, what is it exactly about a two small furry rodents that reminds you of me?"

"Gee, I suppose I could say because you're all sleek and fast as well as always curious and running around trying to figure things out."

"Could say?"

"Yeah, but mostly I thought about look on your father's face when he walks in and sees them on your desk."

"Ah, there is that. All right, let's put them in their new home."

"Whoa! Gotcha! Careful, little guys, I don't want to crush you by accident."

"Clark, what just happened?"

"They...squooshed right through the bars of the cage!"

"Squooshed?"

"Yeah, watch. See they did it again."

"Oh, *squooshing*. Now I understand."

"Wow, they can make themselves really flat. Hey, that must be how they managed to get into the cupboards at home."

"I don't think I want the details, Clark. I'd like to continue to enjoy the occasional meal at your house without worrying about secret ingredients."

"I don't think that's going to be a problem. My mom wouldn't let any mouse live in our house any longer than it takes to put out poison bait."

"Not reassuring me here, Clark."

"Oh, and we also changed how we stored the perishables after that. The house is one hundred percent mouse-free now."

"Tell me. Was any logic employed in your decision to give me a pair of the same species of animal that your mother terminates with extreme prejudice?"

"Logic? Here, hold one, they're cute and wiggly."

"Clark, I really don't...Ow!"

"Lex! You dropped it!"

"It bit me! You bought me vicious, man-eating vermin!"

"Let me see."

"I'll probably need a rabies shot."

"Lex, it didn't even break the skin."

"Clark, where's the other one?"

"I put in the cage so I could try to catch the one you dropped."

"The same cage they just squooshed out of?"

"Oh. Oops?"

"No problem, Clark. I'll just imagine my father's face when he sees an *empty* cage on my desk."

"I'm really sorry, Lex. I guess I'd better see if I can catch them. Maybe the pet store will take them back."

"Fine, I'll go see if the housekeeper has any traps."

 

// A few minutes later //

 

"What the...!"

"Umm...Lex...you're back."

"I suppose this is another one of those times I have to pretend my eyesight was bad or I'm drunk or I have another concussion and I couldn't possibly have seen what you were doing when I walked in. Which one is it?"

"Lex...I..."

"That's a new one. I'm guessing I'm suffering partial amnesia brought on by the removal of a flannel shirt."

"I really..."

"Closely followed by the t-shirt underneath. So...Clark, I'm almost positive I didn't just see you lift that half-ton cabinet with one hand to look underneath it."

"Almost positive?"

"I'm theorizing that the sound of a zipper opening might destroy a few more brain cells."

"Lex?"

"..."

"Lex, how's the amnesia now?"

"Hmmm? Oh, sorry. Got a little distracted by the answer to the ever-popular 'boxers or briefs' question."

"Oh that. I can explain. You see, Chloe..."

"Please, please stop right there. I do *not* need the image of you, Chloe and a red satin thong...damn it's too late. Now I'll have to lose a lot *more* brain cells."

"Maybe all those clothes you're wearing are stopping the memories from leaking out of your head fast enough. Why don't you let me help you with that shirt, Lex?"

"Clark, I can assure you there is definite leaking going on and a head is involved."

"Mmmm. Now *I* have the answer to the ever-popular question. Nice."

"Yes, it is nice, I'd even say super-nice."

"I can't believe you just said that, Lex."

"I'm getting criticism on my humor from the farm boy who just delivered two escape artists, masquerading as rodents, to my home?"

"I'm sorry. How about I make it up to you over there? On the desk."

"Mmmm. One of my favorites. Why don't you just show me those *ordinary* muscles and carry me over?"

 

// After a brief interlewd...no, that's interlude //

 

"Clark, there's sawdust in your hair."

"You should see the floor."

"I see that I have a new addition to my galley of accidental art by the artist known as Clark 'The Terminator' Kent."

"I didn't mean to crumple the cage. It sort of got in the way when we..."

"Hence my use of the word 'accidental'. It's all right Clark, we can just...Fuck!"

"Again? Already? That's pretty fast recovery time, Lex, even for you."

"I'm not nearly as fast as the mouse I just saw running along the wall. Clark, *please* tell me that you bought two of the same sex."

"..."

"Clark?"

"Lex, haven't you always wanted a cat?"

**Author's Note:**

> CLFF 20 Challenge: Everyone should have a pet in their lives or so it's said. But is it always the right pet? How do others react to it? Is it even normal? Or is it a Smallville mutation? Is it a gift? Does this bring our boys closer together?
> 
> Pet: Mice
> 
> Many thanks to my betas, selinamoonfire and strlingdragnfly.


End file.
